i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize