Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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