i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
