So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
