what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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