he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
All the doctor said was why
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
