i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
