He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
