Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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