I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
