Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
