Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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