ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
