you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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