In the future we'll all be gay
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
