Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
