i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
