I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
