Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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