Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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