how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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