I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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