If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
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