Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
