escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
