i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
