A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
