You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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