You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
