Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
