I think I just saw someone hide a body.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
