Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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