What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
