Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She even gives head with a lisp.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
