When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
