There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
