so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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