We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
