Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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