Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
