Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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