so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My ass is underappreciated
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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