just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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