i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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