he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
