Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
