Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
