I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
