i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
