I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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