I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
