i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
