I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
