kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
