Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
