Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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