i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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