Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
