how can u be prego again
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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