Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
