i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
