Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
