I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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