I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
