Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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