So drunk its hurt
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize