do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
