When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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