what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
