It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
