Who did Billy Mays play for?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize