she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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