So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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