i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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