You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
