How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
