Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
