she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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