Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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