Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
