You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
