I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize