Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
