it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
