Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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