i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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