I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
