Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize