Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
