well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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