Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
