Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
