First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize