he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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