Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
