I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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