he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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