i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
