"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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