You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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