i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
