I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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