was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
